


A Very Sloppy Christmas

by coffeegleek



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Santa Claus, Drunk Kurt Hummel, Elf Kurt, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:15:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeegleek/pseuds/coffeegleek
Summary: lucy8675309 posted to tumblr a series of gifs with Kurt dressed up as an elf. It inspired me to write the following prompt, which CoffeeAddict80 encouraged me to write as a fic:I now want a fic where real Santa’s elf!Kurt gets drunk and vents to Blaine about all the woes of working for Santa. He’s over 100 years old and the outfits are terrible. Why couldn’t they wear clothes like the elves did in that one movie? Drunk elf Kurt has no idea he’s venting to Santa’s son.Bonus if he wakes up and realizes he just had a drunken one night stand. He isn’t sure who it was with. Only that he’s naked, the guy in the bed beside him is naked and showing off a really great ass. Then said guy turns over and after Kurt’s done staring at his dick, he looks at the guy’s face and realizes who it is.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	A Very Sloppy Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CoffeeAddict80](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAddict80/gifts), [lucy8675309](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucy8675309/gifts).



Kurt took another long sip of his drink. He didn’t know what was in it. Only that it was hot, chocolatey, full of booze, and topped with whipped cream. The bartender was blonde and cute and kept refilling his cup which was nice. But the best thing about the bar was that there was a really hot guy sitting on the stool next to him. He was just his type and hot and a really great listener.

“Do you want to know another reason I’m glad that Christmas will be over tomorrow?”

“I would love to.”

“These uniforms are terrible! They’re embarrassing! I’m a hundred and...and...something. I’m a hundred and something years old and it’s bad enough that Emma says I look like a fourteen year old milkmaid. But every damn Christmas, for the entire month before Christmas, I’m forced to wear this ridiculous outfit! My shirt has bells on it! Bells! My pants are a hideous shade of green and these damn shoes are impossible to walk in. Even Rudolph was laughing at me, that red nose bastard! How am I supposed to be attractive to you, Hot Guy, when I'm dressed like this? There’s no way you’d sleep with me! But wearing this hideous thing is one of Santa’s stupid rules. Northern Gods, do I need a better job. Do you think I could go back in time and get hired in that one movie where the elves wore really classy clothes? You know the one. It’s the one with the clothes and where the reindeer weren’t a bunch of dicks.” 

That was a lot of words. Kurt waved the bartender down for another drink. “This stuff is amazing! But not as amazing as getting laid would be. You should have some, Hot Guy.”

“Have some of what?”

“This drink or me. You should have some of me, but that won’t happen because I’m dressed in Santa’s stupid idea of a uniform.”

“I would love to sleep with you.”

Kurt wasn’t sure if he was hearing that right. He needed to ask to be sure. “You want to sleep with me, Hot Guy? I can take off this stupid shirt if you’re not sure. I work out you know.”

“Oh, I know you do. I would love to help you take off your shirt and other articles of clothing if you’d like.”

“This is now the best Christmas ever! Let’s go back to my place. My bed is amazing. You would be amazing in my amazing bed.” Kurt downed the rest of his drink and took Hot Guy’s hand.

\----

Kurt woke up feeling like his mouth was coated in chocolate-flavored cotton and that his dick had run a marathon. The rest of his body was sore too, but his dick? He looked down and through the winter light filtering through the window he could clearly see that his dick and the rest of him was completely naked. At the sound of a low groan, he turned his head to the left. Beside him was an equally naked man with an amazing ass. He wished he could remember who he’d slept with. All he knew right now was the feeling that it had been really, really great sex. The best he’d had in over a decade. 

The man groaned again and turned over. Kurt couldn’t help but see that the man had a dick just as impressive as his ass. It was erect too and the sight caused his own to get hard. Maybe they could go for another round before breakfast and work.

“Morning. Is it morning? I can never tell this time of year.”

The man with the amazing body speaking made Kurt move his head so he was looking at the guy’s face. It was gorgeous. Hot chocolate colored eyes being scrubbed by a strong hand and a half curled mess of gelled bedhead. He looked familiar. Really familiar and not just in a “so this is the guy I had sex with all night” familiar. He looked like... “Oh, fuck, I slept with Santa Claus’s son!”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“You’re the guy I was complaining to at the bar all night weren’t you?” At the man’s nod, Kurt couldn’t help but continue his lamenting vent. “I could lose my job over this! I’m going to be cleaning up reindeer shit for the rest of my life and elves live until their four hundreds. I am so screwed!”

“You’re really not, Kurt.”

“But you’re Blaine! Blaine Anderson Claus. Heir to the Santa Claus name and legacy. I am so fucked and not in the fun way.”

Blaine grinned and looked between their bodies. For a guy who was ranting so much, his dick was still fully erect and very inviting. His mouth was damn near watering at the sight. “It’s not against the rules.”

“It’s not? But Sue said…”

“Sue likes to make up her own rules. Do you regret sleeping with me? I don’t with you. You’re amazing, Kurt. I’ve had a crush on you for ages, but you never looked my way until last night.”

“She does? You have? I may not remember everything we did last night, but I’m not feeling any regret. And I may have had a crush on you too. Or at least some very happy private moments thinking about you and…” Kurt clamped a hand over his mouth. Clearly he was still drunk.

“There’s nothing wrong with masturbation, Kurt. There’s also nothing wrong with what we did or having another round or two. You know, to help you regain your memories. And mine, to be honest. I would love to make new ones with you.”

“Fuck Sue’s rules.” Kurt wasn’t sure how loud he’d said that as he pressed his body to Blaine’s, mouths kissing and erections rubbing against each other in ways he knew would only get better. “Best Christmas ever!”


End file.
